Category: Understanding Addiction

Addiction is all about loss. It is well known that addicts lose things like money, jobs, freedom, and so much more. Most addicts also lose trust as part of their addiction. This trust is not just lost in and from others but also self-trust. Losing trust is painful and can leave you feeling guilt and shame when others do not believe anything you say. However, trust is never fully lost or forever gone if you are willing to do the work. Building trust is something that can be earned through action, even after addiction has been an issue. There are no shortcuts to rebuilding trusting relationships, but it is possible. The remainder of this article will share some basic ways to start rebuilding trust. Remember each step is a long term commitment, not something to be done once and forgotten, trust takes time.

Though it may seem counterproductive, the first step in building trust is to focus on yourself without begging for forgiveness. This is especially true in the first year of recovery. A big part of trust is letting others see you start building a good life for yourself. If you can learn to trust yourself, others will begin to trust you as well. Stay your course and let others watch from a distance for a while, this goes a long way toward earning trust later on. This healing will come in time if you truly focus on yourself to discover where the dies and distrust originated and correct that issue. The next step is to avoid being a victim. There are likely times that you did some terrible things in life and during active addiction. Playing the victim in all of that will do you no favors. Be honest about what happened, ask forgiveness, and move on.

As part of building your new life you should also create a routine and stick to it. This builds trust because you can show that you will be where you say you are going to with regularity. Routine is equal to predictability and reliability.

Do the right thing without fail. While mistakes will occur, you do tend to know what needs to be done and what is right so choose wisely. Additionally, stay humble in all you do so your word can be impeccable and certain. This can be a valuable asset in all things in life. In all these steps your goal is to be consistent and earn trust back slowly.

Unfortunately, even with all these steps and hard work, there will be people that will never trust you again or limit their trust. This is not a bad thing, this is just life. Addiction hurts both you and others and those scars can run deep. Simply keep working on yourself and your life and if these individuals cannot trust you then move on with your own goals. You can learn to trust yourself, build new relationships, and create a life that is worth living. You are in recovery for yourself first and if others have been too hurt then you can move forward without them. You are worth the effort, but you must also put in the work.

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Relationships are a natural and necessary part of life. Relationships are also a needed part of recovery. Without the support of friends and others in recovery then you are not as likely to succeed. Not having friends and relationships in recovery is much like having a three legged square table, it may be functional, but it is not as sturdy and is more likely to cause problems. Unfortunately, when in active addiction the relationships we form are often detrimental to overall health. Our most frequent contact may be a dealer or other users. These people help us create unhealthy bonds in which we need them to complete an unhealthy behavior. In contrast in recovery we must form healthy relationships that help us be built up and succeed in face of any challenge that may arise. So how do we form such relationships? Read on to learn the basics of creating and keeping healthy relationships as part of recovery.

To find and create healthy relationships start by not expecting anyone to be responsible for your happiness. You hold the keys to your happiness. Being friends or in a relationship does not guarantee this, it simply enhances the possibility if the relationship is healthy. Take control of your own life, including the happiness aspect. Accept, love, and respect yourself first. Though you may feel strongly about someone else, if you do not love, respect, and accept yourself, the good and the bad, then no relationship will be truly healthy. This does not mean you think you are better than someone else, but that you understand that you are worth being a friend to and that you will respect yourself enough to know if it is an unhealthy relationship and end it. Additionally, make and keep clear agreements. This is part of communication.

If you are in a friendship or healthy relationship then you should know what the other expects. Perhaps your partner wants you to do laundry or dishes on a certain day to keep up with housekeeping. If this is something you can agree to than keep your agreement or work toward another mutual arrangement. Respect the differences between you and your partner. No two people are the same and at no point will you always get your way. Be respectful of the differences and find compromise for what is not agreed upon. As part of this you should learn to communicate wants, needs, desires, and concerns openly and honestly and expect the same from your partner. Even if something difficult needs to be shared, share it honestly and expect the same from your partner.

As you continue in the healthy relationship learn to do things because you care for the other person, not because you expect something in return. Forgive one another as needed and leave the past in the past this will help you build a healthy future. If a mistake is made, admit it, ask forgiveness, and try to fix the issue if possible. Make sure you review your expectations often as people and relationships are always changing and may need adjusted. Finally, make sure you appreciate your partner and take time to spend quality time together. You deserve the best out of a relationship and so does your partner. Is the relationship in your life healthy?

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Recovery comes with a number of challenges. The biggest is to decide to enter recovery, but others will quickly arise. The key is to begin learning and storing the tools that will further your recovery and help you to reach long term recovery. Just imagine looking back a year from now or ten years from now knowing that you have changed your entire life. This should get you excited as it is completely possible. So while you may just be getting started know that there is hope and you have already made the toughest decision. To take control of your addiction. The remainder of this article will share a single tool that can change your attitude and progress as part of recovery.

Whether you have a gambling addiction, a pill habit, or are involved in a range of addictive behaviors, there is a tool that can help you become and stay successful in recovery. This tool is simply humility. Humility is defined as humbleness or a moderate or low view of one’s importance. While this may sound like a self-demeaning trait it is not in any way meant to make you feel worthless. On the contrary. Humility is knowing that you are no better or worse than anyone else and that you will need to ask for help at times. That you have as much right and ability to succeed as the next person. The fact is when we lack humility we often disrespect people and hurt them in ways that are unimaginable. We can also ended up feeling humiliated.

If you practice humility in recovery then you suddenly become teachable and become a better listener. You allow yourself to examine your life without judgment or shame. This means you will allow others to help you and can learn to be honest with yourself about your problems, goals, and the steps needed to reach long term and lasting recovery.

The problem is that we often feel at a loss of power or importance when humbling ourselves. However, humility is the development of an honest, accurate, and objective view of ourselves in the universe. When using humility in recovery we view ourselves as equals to everyone and everything. Someone who practices humility rarely feels subconscious, but does take responsibility for what has been done or chosen, even while being secure in who we are in life and recovery. This will take practice.

To practice humility in recovery you must first learn to be grateful for the gifts you have been given. This can vary between and among individuals, but remember you are alive and you have a chance to start over, many did not get that chance. You must also be unique and not spend time comparing yourself to others. Some people can stop using and cravings end in a few days, others may take months or years. Do not compare yourself to others as your journey is your own. You should be kind, teachable, and free. Let the past stay in the past and begin working toward your future. As part of this you should realize that you do not know everything and can learn from the experiences of others. Even if your experience is not the same.

Start practicing random acts of kindness. Helping others can boost self esteem and further your recovery.

Finally, let go of your expectations. Life can throw you curve balls, just keep moving forward. Humility starts with you from the inside, realize that you are an amazing person that can succeed.

CLICK HERE to get a Free Confidential Addiction Rehabilitation Assessment.