Category: Understanding Addiction

Let us begin this article by stressing that we do not underestimate the severity of alcoholism and its consequences. The fact that we will talk about games here, and assume a rather humorous tone at times, it doesn’t mean that it is a joking matter. As Eric Berne (1964) notices, alcoholism (similar to drug addiction) may be portrayed as a lifelong pattern of maladaptive social transactions. A life game, in his terminology. And, as psychological practice shows, this pattern could be broken off if an honest and conscious attitude is assumed. This may mean that an alcoholic will have to deny himself the joy of calling his game ‘an illness’ and forego the role of a helpless victim of such disease.

Transactional Analysis of Alcoholism

But, let’s embark on analyzing alcoholism as a life game by explaining some basic terms of transactional analysis (a psychological theory and a school of thought in psychotherapy) first. Transactional analysis focuses on hidden transactions among individuals, on almost predictable actions most people (if not all of us) are inclined to. These sorts of transactions are called games – behavioral patterns in which different roles are played, and the outcomes are always exciting and dramatic, yet in accordance with the game’s rules.

This means that it is not the person’s authentic Self that is involved in a game. And it is precisely here where the potential for an alcoholic’s healing lies.

The possible biological and physiological causes or contributors to alcoholism are not to be taken nonchalantly. However, this article will not focus on these factors. What we want to bring to light is the other possible perspective on alcoholism; the one that may empower the alcoholic to take the matter into his own hands and abandon the powerlessness in front of liquor.

The Roles in the “Alcoholic” Game

As we already mentioned, alcoholism may be viewed as a life game, a game that could consume a person’s focus and energy entirely, throughout his or her whole life. In addition, the person’s social surrounding also gets drawn into the game (or steps in willingly). Let’s see what the lead roles in this game are.

The central role is, of course, the Alcoholic, followed by the main supporting role – the Persecutor. The Persecutor is usually played by a person of the opposite sex, and most often by the wife of the Alcoholic. Her assignment is to judge and criticize the Alcoholic and his drinking habit. She also needs to know all the consequences of the Alcoholic’s behavior by heart, and list them if the occasion arises. The game also demands that there is a Rescuer, commonly played by a person of the same sex. The Rescuer should have the interest in both the Alcoholic himself, and the variety of consequences of his drinking. This is usually the Alcoholic’s doctor, or even his psychotherapist. As described by Berne (1964), a typical situation is the one when the doctor and the patient congratulate each other on keeping the Alcoholic sober for six months; the next morning, the Alcoholic wakes up in a gutter. Then there is the Patsy, frequently played by the Alcoholic’s mother; it is a person who sympathizes with him, provides him with either money (always needed for yet another project that will take him away from drinking) or alcohol (“just one drink, where’s the harm”), and often blames the Persecutor for not having enough understanding for the Alcoholic’s ordeal. Finally, the Connection is a professional (who knows when to stop playing, unlike previously described players) who understands the language of alcoholics and supplies them with liquor – a bartender, for example.

There are many variations within these general rules of play. For example, the Alcoholic’s wife may play Patsy, Persecutor and Rescuer. Or, in the group psychotherapy, the Alcoholic may try to lure the group into condemning his actions. Alcoholics Anonymous attempt to transform Alcoholics into Rescuers. Whatever the alternatives may be, the game remains the same, and its underlying thesis is – “I was so bad; try and stop me”.

The Healing Perspective

Transactional analysis doesn’t deal with alcoholism – it only recognizes the life game called “Alcoholic”. We believe there is a great healing perspective in this kind of approach. Modern Western society has a tendency of over-pathologization. This, however, can be highly counterproductive for a person who is labeled as alcoholic. Declaring alcoholism an illness leads an “alcoholic” into a game of “What could you expect of an ill person?”. Not much, right?

Nevertheless, we believe alcohol addicts have much more strength and an enormous potential to cease the inadequate and harmful interactions of such life game, and choose healthy relationships and prosperous life path instead.

For assistance with alcohol addiction, or to learn more about DARA Thailand, head to https://dararehab.com/or contact a DARA therapist today, 24/7, for a free, confidential assessment via the following numbers:

Direct to Thailand +66-87-140-7788
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Many alcoholics and drug addicts believe that their drinking or drug problem does not affect anyone else. They believe they are not hurting anyone, but themselves. However, the harsh reality is, they are hurting many people around them, and if they have children, they are especially being effected.

If this information pertains to you, whether you are an addict or recovering from addiction, do not be disheartened or feel guilty by the things listed below. Know that there are alternatives and help for children as well as older children experiencing these types of situations.

Many kids who have a parent who uses drugs or alcohol experience issues related to their mom or dad’s overuse far into adulthood. Here are some ways children of alcoholics and addicts are affected:

They often do not have a genuine concept of what is normal. When a child’s father or mother is an alcoholic or addict, he typically does not interact in relationships as those who have parents that are not addicts. Children of a parent or guardian who uses often experience relationships that are usually strained within their families. Tensions are often high within their family unit. Therefore, a child of an addict may not know how to interact in relationships with others in a “normal” way. They feel like they are different than others because of this thought process as well. They can become depressed and feel isolated because they have poor relationship skills and not know how to normally interact with others. Children of an addict also typically develop a pattern of blaming their using parent for their behavior and sometimes their feelings, so oftentimes these patterns continue into future relationships as well.

Generally they are very serious. They may have been criticized in the past when loosening up, so they are usually unsure of how to have fun. Maybe they do not know how to have fun because so many times in the past when something good was supposed to happen it always turned out in disappointment because their alcoholic or addicted parent sabotaged that time in their life.

They might fear confrontation as caused by the fear of others being angry with them. They may be afraid that any conflict might turn violent or emotionally abusive, so they avoid it at all costs.

They may be constantly seeking approval from others. Regardless of whether or not the action is healthy, they may be searching for approval from wherever they can get it. They can even go out of their way to please others because they cannot handle anyone being unhappy with them due to the fear of bringing up feelings related to the past. They may even become perfectionists, so that others will never be disappointed in them.

They often have difficulties with romantic relationships. It is oftentimes hard to trust someone and rely on someone when they were not able to trust and rely on their parent. Growing up where many things were covered up by lies and deceit, it may be a challenge to know who one can trust. They can have so much mistrust of others, they find it nearly impossible to be in a relationship.

They are oftentimes afraid of being abandoned. Sometimes a parent physically leaves the family, and the child does not want others to leave for fear of having to feel those feelings all over again. This fear can be dangerous because they frequently hold onto unhealthy relationships simply because they fear being alone.

However, it is important for children of an alcoholic or addict to seek professional help as well to aid them in overcoming the obstacles they face in life today. Children of an addict should remember their parent’s issue is not their own, and they did not cause any of the problems their parent is dealing with. They must also learn they had no control over their parent’s behavior in the past and learn to let go of control in their own life will benefit them currently. They cannot control other people, and realizing this fact is such a freeing experience when accomplished. Furthermore, they must remember that they cannot change their parent’s behavior-not in the past, present or future.

Children of addicts must also recognize that they can only control themselves. As much as they want their parent to change, they cannot, without being willing, change themselves. Another effective strategy for a child of an addict, is to remind themselves to communicate their feelings with others. Often not feeling normal and not knowing how to care for oneself, can lead to a helpless state, but if one grasps how to communicate their feelings with others, they can begin to move out of a state of depression and into a healthier lifestyle.  It is also important for children of addicts to realize that they can choose to make healthy choices now despite the way they grew up.

So, Children of an Addict should take a step back from the situation for a moment, breathe, and take the steps to get the help they need for themselves too.